L.A.M.P.

Do you get your local newspaper? We have the Plymouth Herald delivered cuz we're lazy bastards - it's at least a two minute walk to the shop every day - and it often has delights. Generally it bangs on about the navy and how the local shipyard is the lifeblood of the city. Today though was an exception. Two things there were that were worthy of mention and mention them I shall.

Ever been to Cornwall? It takes forever to get anywhere and it's crap when you do eventually arrive. Its all fishing villages on the coast and Emmerdale inland, all of them with the same Fudge and Pasty shops. Liskeard is trying to go one better. With a population of 8,478 an enterprising chap from Plymouth (not me) is opening a massage parlour. Not a 'legit' one either. A full on get your norks around me plums type one. Uproar has ensued. The village is rising up: Liskeard Against Massage Parlours is acting en masse to stop it. Unfortunately no internet link exists so you'll have to take my word for this. Personally, I think a petition should be started by all the men of the village (fortunately nowhere near where I live thus negating the need for me to sign thus allowing me innocent status where the missus is concerned - Hello Darling!) clamouring for such an institution. Have you seen a Cornish woman? Gawd...And let's not forget the employment opportunities: Bar workers, door workers, slappers...

Also in the news was the rather exciting announcement regarding the new erection (snigger) at the local B&Q retail park. Plymouth, get this, is to get a second Marks & Spencer but not just a normal store, it will be, much to the orgasmic joy of the missus a food only store. M&S is just about the only reason we go into the city centre these days; their puddings are sugartastic.