Saturday, November 18, 2006

The Prestige

No spoilers shall be revealed.

The story revolves around two Paul Daniels magician types having personal and professional rivalries, helped along by one killing the wife of the other. On the one hand this is an excellent film. Christopher Nolan has put together another brilliant piece of storytelling and the two lead actors (Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale) are as fine as you could wish.

On the other hand, the final reveal is a bit...meh. I saw it coming way before the end, having been looking out for it from the word GO! which maybe spoiled the effect. Having seen countless SF&F films the ending is a bit obvious but jars with the rest of the period-set film.

9/10 (loses a point for the ending alone)


Alfie is still gone. I've now given up hope of finding her. She may wander back one day by herself but the chances of me finding her are zilch. I've been out no end of times to find her but can not. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Have you seen my pussy?

Alas, my baby has gone. Left us. Disappeared. Alfie went out on Thursday night and has not been seen since. If you see her, email me. This is the only post I have time for at the moment but more grief sharing will follow when I eventually get my house sorted - wireless broadband! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My Christmas List

I won't have one. I'm not drinking.

Geddit? I'm funny, me.

Action Cat

Alfie, my lovely tabby pussy cat who I dote on, has had a heart-stopping adventure. Heart stopping for me that is, she probably couldn't have cared less.

Never one to let anything faze her, Alfie lurves to explore. The day after we moved in our cats were getting on our royal tits (two weeks?? Which masochistic arse decided you should keep a cat in for two weeks when they enter a new home? They obviously never met Nana) so against the wife's express wishes (she's a real have a cake and take five extra portions kinda girl) I let them out. Wife was in bed. What did she know? It took all of two days for them to be left out over night. NB There is no bigger joy than to watch your cat in a new environment.

So, I wake up at ooh seven-ish and after the obligatory nee demanded wifey-cuddle, I toddle downstairs, remembering my slippers in case my feet freeze to the cermaic tiles on the kitchen floor. I swear, this will happen come winter. Tea and toast in hand I open the kitchen door having just rembered my err...beloved Alfie has been out in sub-zero temperatures all night. Well she's not at the door...although I can hear a distinct crying above me. Up I looks, and she's on the utility room roof, a seperate garage size construction not three feet from the back door. Unfortunately there's no where for her to easily jump down apart from a 2mm wide fence and even she's not that brave. So I runs around loking for something to stand on - eureka! thinks I, I'll get the grey filing box, so I run upstairs.

While there I remember the previous day she'd somehow found her way onto the conservatory roof and into this same room. Genius! I'll open the window and in she'll pop. Bad idea. Big Bad Idea. You may have read earlier, if you were paying attention, that it had been sub-zero temperatures. This didn't occur to me.

Alfie tends to follow me wherever I go, so true to form, when she saw me she made the leap (two feet) from solid flat rooftop to icy tilted glass. I felt 'the fear'. Never has a semi-naked man ran so fast through a house with a grey box (got the image?). Needless to say all was well in the end. Once Alfie was out of arms she just sauntered very cooly over to her food and chowed down. As she does.

Concordantly Concise

Reading other peoples blogs as I sometimes do (you lucky things) it occurs that I should try to just post on one subject a day but my mind wanders so much and new thoughts occur so often I have to end what I'm typing quickly so I can write on my new subject (so, so tempted to stop mid sentence there. Wouldn't that have been sooo funny?)

How do other cope with the staying on subject? Some people write thousands of words ON ONE SUBJECT. Jeez. Write a book why dontcha? Personally, if my musings were funny nee humorous, this is what I'd prefer - bang! you're in and bang! you're out. Insert your own reference to sex 'here'.

Oh the PAIN

A pledge.

I, [insert name here], do swear to go through hell, to push my lungs to their full capacity in the pursuit of bodily masochism. No longer shall these buttocks be flabby; no more shall my gut wobble when I walk. For today and from now infinitum, I shall exercise. For my heart is in the hands of my treadmill, my brain is in the pit of my pants and my lungs hurtsoveryfuckingmuchpleasemakethepainstopsoon.

Today, I weigh 204 pounds. Let the record show this to be approximately true.

Monday, November 06, 2006

The Adventures of 'Kate' - part 312

My sister-in law 'Kate' lives with her much elder boyfriend 'Ben' in Devonport, Plymouth. In a flat.

Now 'Kate' and 'Ben' earn far more than my wife and I ever did, even when the wife was working full-time. Despite this, they scrimp, scrounge and generally act like they're their own branch of Oxfam. They take pretty much anything we're giving away. Personally I'd prefer to sell it but my wife is STUPID!! and is perfectly happy to give it to them. For free. Nada.

Why do they act this way? Why does it seem like they have no self-respect? I have no idea and I have realised tonight that I don't actually care. You see, I now live in Leigham, many rungs higher on the social scale than Devonport. It's not quite Chaddlewood or even Mainstone but both are only a short walk away. Devonport however is on the other side of Plymouth. Bizarrely this has bought about a sudden excess of visits from 'Kate'. I'd always out down her lack of visits to the prescence basically. I even offered to buy her pizza and go out for the evening if she visited my wife who was desperately lonely at that point and missed her greatly but no. She went to her mother, who told the wife who had a go at me for interfering and making 'Kate' feel bad! Women! (Any female readers might wish to know I love them all).

Incidentally, in a plot twist worthy of Douglas Adams, Jordan ('Ben's ADHD son) has now returned to his psycho mother in Wales and Olivia ('Ben's daughter by some other bint) is now refusing to stay the night and threatening to never visit. All of which is making him feel great. Oh, and Kate's a nagging biatch apparently.

The quest - an update

In my quest for new readers, I have convinced that fool Scaryduck to add me to his link-o-matic. I'm hoping this will increase my faithful readership up beyond the dizzy heights of five before Christmas. Perhaps SD will take pity and involved me in one of his tales of mirth - or woe - thus promoting me in the blogosphere.

I need to formulate a plan whereby I increase my internet prescence and yet spend time away from the computer. Now I have Direct Payments, I don't have a need to trawl the SFX forum (to avoid the tedium of my job - I can now read! or watch TV! all while getting paid! MWAHAHAA) and my domineering hold of conversation is falling by the wayside which leaves me wan-needing readers but not being arsed to spend the time talking to other people in the juvenile nee pathetic hope that they read this tripe. Hmm.

Thinking is needed. And a less demanding wife. Oh yes.

Nur nur nur nur

I'm so happy to have moved house. I got rid of all my disgusting throw-food-out-the-window neighbours and moved in to my new abode on the momentous day of 27th October 2006. In the style of the football reports at my Primary School 'everyone played well'. There was a slight bit of indecision on the part of the solicitors when at 1345 our sale had taken place but our purchase had yet to happen - "No, it now won't take place until after two". We were sat twiddling our thumbs in a cold, lonely and very empty apartment. Literally three minutes later "It's now gone through". Cue a mad dash to the estate agent f0r keys. It's lurvely.

I now have yet more additions to take me away from reading and slobbing. I have a garden and decorating and a conservatory and get to play "Just what does this plug in this socket do?". You see, much as I love my new house, the electrics seem to have beenput in by someone who just threw darts around a darkened room "Just there for the socket and all the way over there I'll put the light switch". I'm down to single figures now though for sockets and switches of which I know not the function. Not one of these operates the lights underneath the kitchen cupboard. Answers on a postcard. Please.

It took a whole seven days to unpack. Three months it takes some people! How??

In the garden last week we had a squirrel. The wife saw it as cute. I saw it as potential cat food. Speaking of which, Nana has found a new source of mice to torment.

A summary

So, many things have happened.

I've moved house. No problems experienced. Yay.

We have finally received Direct Payments so I now get paid to care for wife full-time at your expense. Yay.

Voltan is no more. Boo.

My cats have surveyed their new 'yard' and seem to be happy.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

And...he's back in the room.

Much has happened in the past couple of weeks since my former promised return. It shall be covered in detail over the next few days. Having just spent three hours catching up on my blog and forum reading (the product of packing, moving, un-packing and being generally too busy to even take part in onanism) I'm a little 'screen tired' ie I can't be arsed*.

* Nothing to do with anal sex and/or concrete.

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