Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The rules one

Rules of 1

Before my iPhone died I had a list. It was a series of rules and a way of life. I needed it because it explained how to travel. Now, whenever I happen to talk about stuff, everything is rule 1.

In no specific order these are some of the rules 1:

1) Fear is the path to the boring side

I broke my ankle a few years ago and since then I'm terrified to walk down stairs let alone down a slippery mountain side so I had to develop a verbal rule, a mantra to get me up a slope and down a tricky path. I could sit where I am and not do it accuse I'm scared but then I'd be bored and where's the fun in life then? Because....

1) life is about fun, shits and giggles

Who gives a shit if you're dirty? Or fat? Or poor? Or little Tommy ruined tour sofa? Or someone stole your iPod? Or you took a wrong turn and now it's going to take you an extra hour to get where you're going?

On the otherwise execrable TV program Loose Women they said something once that stuck with me: if you're not going to be worrying about something in a years time, why worry about it now? Live for the moment! Are you having fun, right now in your life? No? Well finish reading this and go find something better to do with your life cuz it won't last as long as you hope and life's to short to put up with shit.

Go watch the film Amelie. Listen to the lesson about just experiencing where you are.

1) Now and again turn around

Bonnie Tyler had it right. Look behind you both physically and spiritually. I was walking down a lane once. In front of me was a pretty scene. Hills and valleys and...possibly sheep. I turned around and there was a mountain! It was glorious.

And too many people don't think about how they got to where they are in life right now. How can you know where you've got to go without appreciating what you've been through to get there?

1) Given the choice try something new

I love chocolate. I love ice cream. Subsequently there's no greater thing than chocolate gelato from Italy. But I was only having chocolate. There're are so many more flavours out there. I realized I was missing out on so much. So every time I saw a new flavor or co our, thats what I'd have. But still occasionally the chocolate. Seriously, this one time my head exploded.

Not speaking Spanish and being in a country where they don't have English menus this rule comes to the fore because every menu is complete gibberish so it's just a case of pointing at random stuff. It helps to eat pretty much every thing.

1) Never say no to free food

Traveling, you lose weight all the time especially if you don't want to spend money and therefore skip meals. Combined with walking miles around a city you tend to start craving carbs. So if someone offers you a chip, or a dip, or a taste, or their remains (of their food sicko), take it. Have no shame. Let's not be having any of this 'they're just being polite' rubbish. If they've offered, it's their fault if you accept.

1) It's all just stuff

I once had an online argument about the worth of collecting autographs. My basic premise was it's just a name on a piece of paper and is therefore worthless making autographncollectors the most extremely stupid and materialistic people you can get. I used to collect books. For complicated reasons, mainly due to my ex being a bitch, I got rid of them. At the time I was a bit miffed but ultimatly I came to realize they had no worth in and of themselves. I'd read them. It was doubtful I'd do so again. They were just sat collecting dust.

Why are we as a species obsessed with amassing as much crap as possible? It makes no sense. You're not actually superior because you've got a dining room table. Or more glasses than you can actually drink out of. Go see how some of the people in the world live. When all you've got is a shack and three sets of clothes, and I've seriously seen this, you know what life is about and can focus on the important things like how the fuck am I going to eat today? So if you lose something don't worry about it. It's just stuff.

Cuz that's all that matters. Two questions: where am I sleeping? What am eating? They're the only things that matter.

I'm sure there're others. Maybe I'll do a part two when they come to me.


Brian Doyle said...

Thumbs up.

marie said...

Brilliant, yet again.

Anonymous said...


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