My sibling is special

Dear Clare

We share genes, right? It's been hard to see for most of my life to be honest.

How can two siblings be so different? One so intelligent, good looking, arrogant and confident. And the other...well, you. Is that what you resent? Did I present a threat? Cuz lets face it there was never any chance of me taking our mothers love away from you, what little there was to be had. I know you've repressed most of the bad times like the trifle incident and the time you couldn't do the maths so got told I could do it while being pasted but I remember.

Ignoring the letter I sent, cuz let's face it the animosity you feel for me goes way before that and you were the cause of the letter being sent, do you ever wonder why? I know we disagree on pretty much everything ever, I know we have two wildly different personalities (you're shallow, materialistic and kind of dumb which is all anathema to me) and I know categorically we'll never be in the same room ever again, so why Clare? What did I ever do? I wasn't always this antagonistic toward you. You made me this way. I even told Nana once it became enjoyable to piss you off. And it was so very easy because you're ready to hate. Or at least where I'm concerned.

I just wanted a sister. I still do. Not you, obviously. But I see siblings travelling together! How!?! I ask myself. It seems an alien concept to me. Surely it's the role of the sister to be a bitch? Nope. Apparently there are some nice ones.

I would like to clarify some things if I may.

You once had an argument with Hayley over the origin of Clara the dog's name. Arguing for it to have been named after you is tragic. Truly.

Sending me a text message, when we were still talking, saying "what have I ever done to deserve a brother like you" when all I'd done is arrange some time with my Dad was a bit extreme don't you think? I do. Funny how you find him acceptable now, eh? Especially as you dissed him and his house's tits off. That text set off a long chain of events that I'll despise you for forever.

And yes, it was me that broke Shereen's Walkman. (sorry Shereen. Im sending a psychic hug by way of apology). It was an accident; it just came off in my hand. Quite why it took you so long to accuse me I'll never know. And I once stole £1.50 out of your purse. I think I was 14.

Here lies Clare Starbuck: Queen bitch, world champion of denial and all things fake.

Your genetic sibling (not brother; I was never that)

J

Ps I'd recommend www.dictionary.com for fully understanding this letter.