Join Me In Misery

When I was younger, so much younger than today, I was as thin as the proverbial pencil. I was nearly taken to the doctors. Well, I would have been if my mother had cared enough. Anyway, I was so thin I could have been a model for . But the years have not been kind. The years have in fact been force feeding me sugar whilst locked in a small cube two feet to a side.

I was sat on my bed the other and looking in the mirror. I found I'd developed a new ability. I could now, much to the amazement nee disgust of my wife, life my stomach and literally place it back on my lap. Up. Down. Up. Down. This was a form of exercise in itself.

A plan was formed.

Henceforth I shall be near vegan. (For one lives next door. Ho. Ho. Ha.) I'd only eat vegetables, fruit and salad (which my actually be vegetables or salad - I've never quite got the distinction) with chicken and tuna. Yes, this was to be the start of a diet. Oh yes. That was a week ago. In that time I've lost half a stone, a lot of money and very nearly my sanity.

The weight was easy; it just kind of happens. The money was slightly more problematic in that good quality F&G&S costs a fucking fortune. But that was nothing compared to the shock of very nearly going without sugar (except in tea and that intrinsic to Frosties and Sugar Puffs, the only breakfast cereals that are edible IMO). I actually went Cold Turkey. My mood went swiiiiiiiiiiiiiinging all the way around the room, I had the shakes and I couldn't concentrate. God that first hour was hard. My normal diet consisted of a Frostied breakfast with biscuits, a cakey elevenses and mid-afternoon sugar-attack with a dessert for dinner. (I just had a whole treacle sponge pudding once. Best. Dinner. Ever.) There was left a gaping whole in my world.

It's getting easier to control though mainly due to my new addiction - Facebook . I'm a new convert having always been against FB and Myspace. No friends means an embarrassingly lonely time on there, see? Somehow though my hours are being filled with tests, quizzes, scrabble and annoying people I know (mainly those on the SFX forum) into talking to me.

I'm not sure this is a good thing.