Thursday, January 17, 2013

Where I acknowledge paradise

I'm sat on a bus heading for Lima. It's 90 minutes of noise, random potholes and insufferable heat. I'm going through this one more time before I go home. I am literally leaving paradise to face my destiny in England. 

I left the UK a long time ago in search of...well, in all honesty I was running away. From life and responsibility; justice and my past. I didn't acknowledge it at the time but apparently I was looking for somewhere to call home. Somewhere I could imagine living for ever, where I could be ethical and free, where I wouldn't be judged or condemned for the sometimes bafflingly bizarre decisions I make; where I'd be accepted.

InanItah came close. So close. But ultimately there was too much partying for me. So I left. And eventually found the Hari Krishnas. I initially stayed at a farm in Ecuador, deep in a cloud valley, surrounded by hills and trees. And cloud. Much cloud. And rain and cold. It was beautiful. Hey had a farm and i spent days shaving trees. The people were lovely but I didn't learn a lot because nobody spoke English. Damn them. They were patient though and I struggled through. Until I got Ill from being cold so I ran away like I had something deadly. I went to the nearest town and bought copious clothes and antibiotics.

Upon entering Peru a few weeks later I looked up similar places and found Eco Truly Park. Go look it up.

The Hari Krishnas live on the beach in strange egg shaped buildings, eating (at worst) vegetarian and pretty much living to the motto "do what makes you happy". Again, i farmed. I also carried a lot of bricks, had campfires on the beach, helped build (paint) a park for children and killed (weeded) a lot of weeds (probably perfectly viable food). I was home. I even learned  to love and appreciate physical exercise. I taught Tae Bo and went for two hour beach walks without a thought. I'm fitter than I've ever been! I've stayed for three months because I found it hard to leave but unlike InanItah it's not because I was scared to leave - its because I liked it so much. I'm waaaay over my Peruvian visa but I've been assured that won't be a problem at the airport; I may just need to pay $1 for everyday I'm over. I can imagine living at Eco Truly quite happily for the rest of my life. No drugs, no drink, no caffeine, no stress, good work, healthy food, a steady of influx of likeminded very cool travellers, a lot of yoga...what's not to love? It's a pity they want you to pay to stay or I may never have left. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. Because I now get to have a warm shower.



I'm closing down this blog as of now. I'm changing the password to something I'll never remember and leaving it behind. This is for two reasons: 1) it represents the past and I don't dwell there any longer; I've moved on and 2) the name 'misanthropiste' no longer fits with who I am. I'm still cynical AKA realistic but I can see the positives now in who we are as a species. There is good out there - I know; I've met them.

Thanks to everyone who ever read my often insane ramblings. Thanks to everyone who commented. I love you all. Even you. It's one of the Krishna teachings - love your enemy (subtext: cuz he's just as fucked up as you are). 

Jay

60 comments:

Anonymous said...

All the best for the future Jay. Love & Hugs xxx Sara

Anonymous said...

believe it when we see you

Anonymous said...

u r such a dick

Anonymous said...

http://www.thisisnottingham.co.uk/husband-missing-Debbie-Starbuck-charged-murder/story-17939977-detail/story.html

Anonymous said...


http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-21186447

Anonymous said...

The husband of a woman who has not been seen since 2010 has appeared in court charged with her murder.

Jamie Starbuck, 36, appeared before magistrates on Thursday and was remanded in custody to appear at Nottingham Crown Court on Friday.

Debbie Starbuck, 44, was last seen in April 2010 and lived in Old Basford, Nottingham.

On Thursday, police cordoned off woodland off Whinbush Lane, near Calverton, in the investigation.

Mr Starbuck, of no fixed address, was arrested at Heathrow airport on Saturday and charged on Wednesday evening.

Mrs Starbuck, formerly Debbie Cooper, was reported missing in March 2012.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with Debbies family. I hope he is remorseful for what he has done x

Anonymous said...

hope u rot in there, u dirty piece of scum.... u mindless self centered dickhead........ rip debbie, thinkin of all debbies family and friends....

Anonymous said...

Its obvious that people are already making their minds up from what we have read in Jamie's posts, but lets remember he is still an innocent (although accused) man.

I'd expect you would want to be innocent until proven guilty if you were in his shoes.

Think before you post comments on the internet, they are very rarely so easily removed.

Anonymous said...

As one of Debbie's family, I want to thank those of you thinking of her, and especially her immediate relatives. As you can imagine, the last few months - since it started being clear what had happened - have been hard, and it's due to get harder. Although innocent until proven guilty, there is a lot known that won't come out until the trial, which is the proper time and place for it. For now, the important thing is to find Debbie, so she can be given the respect she is owed.

Thank you, again.

Anonymous said...

If you read all of the blogs people may realise why none of his family have anything to do with him. All our thoughts are with Debbie's family and friends. Hope he gets what he deserves xx

Anonymous said...

this message is for debbies family,we may be at court at the same time.but we are there for you. Jamie blames everything on his past and will no doubt use it in his defence. he is a liar and not a very nice individual.Our hearts go out to you and so sorry for what you are going through,this is a terrible time for all of you. AND to the people he as befriended on his travels who may read this blog you never know who you can trust so be careful.

Anonymous said...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-22480580

Anonymous said...

What a terrible story, cruel and heartless - I hope those that were takem in by this man learn from their own naivity.

http://www.thisisnottingham.co.uk/Starbuck-pleads-guilty-wife-s-murder/story-18948242-detail/story.html

Anonymous said...

You disgust me Jamie Starbuck, you hard faced piece of evil. I hope your twisted mind continues to live long in a body full of sickness and pain.

Anonymous said...

30 years in prison only goes a small way towards finding justice for poor Debbie. Now the whole world knows the truth about Jamie Starbuck. Liar, thief, murderer.

Anonymous said...

hope you rot in hell you piece of scum ,maybe 30 years will give you time to think of the shame you have gave your family, what for. 30 pieces of silver,you are he devil ,why oh why did you do it??

Anonymous said...

now you can all see jamie for what he is.All those stories about his poor life and what he was supposed to have gone through lies.AND shame cant begin to tell you how we feel trying to make sense of such an evil act,reading all his blogs and reading of all his exciting adventures knowing what he had done pure evil to carry on and not to even give poor debbie a second thought, and all for money. Well hes gone now from all our lives we have got to try to move on.But how poor debbies family can i dont know without knowing where she is.We are so so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Hi Helen!

Anonymous said...

You would never believe what this guy did reading the blog. Traveling the world with blood money from killing his wife. He must have no conscience to enjoy his travels, much less to blog about them.

RIP Debbie and hope God comforts her grieving family and friends.

Anonymous said...

Jamie Starbuck, you sick and twisted scumbag. I hope someone stabs you in prison and you die a slow and painful death

Anonymous said...

?

Anonymous said...

I am going to do all I can to get this webpage shut down! You have no right to hurt people anymore. You have hurt and broken so many hearts, of people past and present. Nobody truly knew you, I thought I did, I never doubted that you had done something that day I received a text saying debbie had been missing, should we be concerned . I said yes, without thinking. I knew you the best. Thank god they did act on their worries. If anything to stop u enjoying life any longer. You once had everything, life, happiness and people who cared and loved you. You threw all of that away the day you killed debbie. You have lost everything jamie. You are going to grow an old and lonely man, just like you always said, you made this happen. I wish I could of warned debbie what she was letting herself in for, but by the time I knew she was gone. I know you won't get to read this but I needed to say it. My love and thoughts go to debbie's family, I truly feel for you, no words can express how u must be feeling. Also jamies family,you know I'm here for u all, love u all and nobody could of known this would happen. I think the shock will live with me forever. My heart has been broken once again. I don't personally think 30 years will make any difference to you, u will show no remorse. You are evil from head to toe, deep down its always been there I truly believe that. RIP Debbie. Love to all going though heartache at the moment.

Anonymous said...

Don't get this blog taken down. Let it serve to remind us of this terrible man's misdeeds.

Anonymous said...

I don't think we need reminding, some of us have been living with this for years!!! we need to move on with our lives he has ruled life for too long

Anonymous said...

C U N T

Anonymous said...

To Debbie's family,
my name is Helen and I live in Australia. I met Debbie in Vietnam in 2007 and travelled with her and the three Irish people for a month through Vietnam Cambodia and Thailand. Later Debbie stayed with me in Australia at my home.

I was contacted by Notts Police late last year when Debbies was still only listed as missing, and I have been following this tragic chain of events ever since including reading this chilling blog.

My deepest sympathy to Debbie's family and also anyone else affected by the despicable creature who ended the life of Debbie in such a foul and heinous manner.

I intend to send an email to the Police Officer who headed up the investigation which I will request be sent on to a family member, as I would like the opportunity to send a more personal message of condolence regarding Deb, who was a wonderful person with whom I shared many good times. RIP beautiful lady, I have shed many tears for you whilst this story has been unfolding.

Anonymous said...

the fact that he was not engaged or married for long with the victim debbie makes it clear that the homicide was purely for the money and not because he hated her for something she had said or done....that's my opinion reading this story on the papers, but then again who knows?....he knows.....terrible story , poor girl

Anonymous said...

I hope you rot in hell you evil bastard. I am ashamed to of known you and my heart goes out to Debbies family and friends

Anonymous said...

Firstly, my condolences to Debbie's family; I can't even begin to imagine the pain and suffering inflicted on you by that psychopath.

I once asked Jamie where Debbie was and he insisted she was with him, though I never saw any photos or mentions. I also asked him ow he was funding this journey and he told me he and Debbie had sold their flat and were using the proceeds. If I'd had even an inkling of what had transpired I would have called the police immediately.

That he so callously and clearly planned this from the outset is one of the most upsetting aspects of this, but to go on an almost three year jolly, knowing what he had done and showing no hint is as perverse as it gets.

Rot in hell you murderous bastard.

Anonymous said...

So. Starbuck, old chap. How's life?

Beamers said...

Wow. I don't think I've ever come across someone who is so self absorbed. To think it's okay to end someone's life in order to go "find yourself" is truly the most selfish and self-serving thing I've EVER heard of.

And he was right - I doubt the people who helped him on his "journey" would have given him the time of day, had they known the truth.

The fact that he has changed his password to something he'll never remember (which is bullshit, by the way) shows just how incredibly insecure and immature this oxygen thief is. He wants you to think you can say anything you like but he'll never see it. Ner ner!

I doubt that he'd have internet access in prison, but if he does, I'm willing to bet his ego will win out and he'll check this blog.

If that's the case - here's what I say to you Jamie: many people have tough childhoods. Without the benefit of knowing any details, yours sounds like a walk in the park in comparison to mine. You sound like a whiny and pathetic little loser to me. Anyone worth a damn uses negative experiences to make themselves stronger. I can't imagine how anyone could like you, I really can't. And now you're moaning about being put away for 30 years, even though it's the only violent crime you've ever committed... What about your dead wife? At least you are able to whinge - she can't.

Anonymous said...

How are those warm showers going mate? Don't drop the soap, will you?

Anonymous said...

How on earth is he allowed to have a voice let alone publish it in the evening post. This is only feeding his ego hes never gonna go away let him suffer. He wants an easy way out, no way carry on in your cell writing letters that no one will ever answer.

Anonymous said...

The point is jamie that you are off the street and no longer able to stalk and find women to rob then kill them and then spend their hard earned and inherited wealth. Glad the walls are high in your cell you have already seen more that anyone of us would ever see. It a pity you could,nt have managed to work hard for it instead of plotting to do what you did.Wishing you the worst that could happen horrible man.

Anonymous said...

http://www.insidetime.org/mailbag.asp?a=1165&c=just_what_is_the_point

The point is that Starbuck is where he is because of the choices he made. Debbie had no choice in the matter when he took from her everything she had, and everything she would ever have. He didn't even grant her a dignified resting place.

He needs to contemplate the choices he made - crucially, the effect on people other than himself. Given his record, it's clear that he needs a long long time for this, and maybe even thirty years won't be enough. No short-cut to oblivion for him. He does not deserve it.

Anonymous said...

Long Enough??

http://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/Plymouth-man-jailed-30-years-murdering-new-wife/story-19019936-detail/story.html

Anonymous said...

I still want to know who "Chuck" is ...... He was mentioned a few blogs ago as the bravest man Jamie ever knew. He helped keep Jamie's secret..... CHUCKed the remains of poor Deb maybe??? As far as I can tell the Desford Place property had three people living there when Jamie and Deb were there...... Where did the third person, a man, go????

Anonymous said...

I truly hope this blog is left to serve as an important, valuable educational tool for all people, for all time; young, old, travellers, stay at homes: Whomever you are - read this blog to learn unequivocally that: Anyone Can Wear A Mask. Read the thoughts and actions of a cold blooded killer. This is what's done by people who just do not value anyone but themselves. This may well be the second positive to emerge from this sordid snakes life - the first being the thirty year stretch taking him away from society. Positive, in that it may help others to truly grasp the fact that these glib two faced egomaniacs do exist. Please, leave this blog as it stands. If it's painful for you then, with all due respect, please stop visiting.

Anonymous said...

I read this blog last year when the case emerged in the press. Firstly, I express my sincere condolences to Debbie’s family for their tragic loss. The tragedy of this story has never left me. It's an appalling case, and reading this blog somehow compounds the horror, as - trawling thru - one can clearly the emergence of motive and an MO. At one point, in reference to his first wife, Starbuck describes how he intends to sell the house and "go travelling" when his wife expires from and incurable disease: no hint of pity, or mercy, just a cold hearted determination to bide ones time waiting for the "big pay off". As time goes on the blog entries become fragmented and there's a hints of difficulty, family issues, marriage issues, and references of being in multiple car accidents - had he deliberately crashed his car in an effort to murder his first wife? had he attempted something else? it seems to me highly likely given what he went on to do; at this point he will have been trying to hide his motives, even from himself, while those around him will have seen things falling apart and sensing something was very wrong, but unable to pin it down. Reading the blog is like watching a car crash in slow motion - you want to intervene but you are powerless. Running alongside the heartless barbarism of the actual crime is the figure of Starbuck himself - possibly the biggest loser that this country has ever produced - certainly in this century - with his loathsome, farty self aggrandisement piggybacking on his pathetically crushed ego and lack of self esteem – all of this culminating in his warped desire to re-invent himself by posing as a “trust-fund” enabled backpacker, all the while cold bloodedly planning the murder that would enable his metamorphosis from nobody to “somebody”. The only redeeming factor in this story is that justice has been served. It’s rare for me to wish ill of anyone, but I’ll make an exception in this case: Starbuck deserves to live the rest of his life in abject misery. Amen.

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