Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Awesome bus journey #342

So I'm on a bus. Surprise! I'd love to know how long I've spent on buses. I reckon at least 3 months of my life. But I digress....

I was in India and it was hot. The bus was crappy and the flies were legion. We're zooming down the only 2 lane highway in the country. I'm reading a book which is quite surprising as I remember it being dark. Not quite sure how I was doing that but let's ignore the inconsistency.

Suddenly the bus jams on it's brakes. Wassup? I think. Looking left there's a lorry that's also stopped and the driver is gesticulating at the bus. Oh, someone's cut someone else up i think.

Now on these buses the driver has a helper. Probably a family member as it's very mafia nepotisic like over there. This one was about 18 and he looked cool in his black shirt. He was giving it large out of the open door - I know! A door! How beaugois! They're yelling hindi backward and forward. it's at times like this, and later, that I wish I was contemptuously retarded at languages.

Suddenly the youth find a metal pole from somewhere, I hate to think he has it handy for just these occassions, and jumps off the bus.

Jibber, jibber, jibber he says.

abber, jabber, jabber say the lorry driver, when suddenly...

THWACK! CRASH! CRUNCH! The youth is kicking three and a hlaf shades of purple out of the lorry. Bye bye goes the side mirror into the ditch. Later goes the actual window.

Wahey, I think (I think a lot), what's going to happen here?

Youth gets back on the bus and off we drive.

Well wasn't that exciting?

Five minutes down the road a car pulls along side and effectively forces us to stop. Now remember this is a) India (lawlessness abounds) b) it's pitch black and c) we're in the middle of nowhere. Anything could happen at this point. We could all have been mouth raped and tied to a tree and the police wouldn't have given a shit let alone known about it. or vice versa.

So, two dudes get out of the car and force their way on to the bus.

Where's the gun? I think. Look for the gun.

They try to pull the youth off the bus while at the same time kicking a vastly increased and proportionate number of shades of incandescent green out of him. He aint having any of it. Where's the pole? I'm thinking. He's fighting back for all his worth. His life is literally at stake. By the way, if this is exciting for you think how I feel.

And then suddenly it's over. The two dudes turn to the rest of the bus, all 400 of us, and say soemthing like (I guessed by the tone) OK, sorry about that everyone. Have a nice journey). And they get off.

WTF?? I was horrified but the Indians were taking it all in their stride. They see this shit every day. Just another day in the craziest country on the planet. it became the answer to every WTF question: I'm in India. Awesome place :)

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