Monday, April 16, 2007

Do you smell like wee?

Is it you I sit next to on the bus?
With the face made of pus?
Is it you in the street?
With the honkin' size 12 feet?


God I hate having to smell other people. Having someone smoke in the same atmosphere as me is bad enough but to invade my personal air space with their dirty genital smells is, frankly, disgusting. Have these people heard of toilet paper? If you smell of wee do you, by default, smell of pooh? After all, if you don't wipe one way why wipe the other?

Obviously the general stereotype is for this to afflict the older generation. Fair enough, if your arthritis affects you so much you can't hold a really very lightweight piece of paper between your decrepit fingers but for the majority of the population it's really not too hard. I assume. I may be unique in that I'm the only person capable of wiping my knob on the curtains, for there must be endless opportunities for self-cleansing.

Ever been on a train when someone whiffy gets on? It's bad enough on a bus and that's for relatively short distances. A train can take you to the other side of the country, all the time next Micturating Mike. Excuse me Mike but are you wearing a frickin' nappy? Ever heard of femfresh?

I'd like all readers to do the following (and perhaps even leave a comment telling me how you got on - this shall be an amnesty and all charges shall be cancelled forthwith):

If you've been stinking for awhile you may not even notice the smell anymore. So ask someone. Pluck up the courage and ask a complete stranger to smell you. Not the wife, the husband or the mother (God bless 'er). They'll never see you again. Don't ask this guy though:

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