To Beer or not to Beer

Where does it say that a white male must participate in the social exercise of getting drunk? People find it hard to believe that I might not want to wake up feeling like Death with a capital Duh, spending my hard-earned money which could otherwise be spent on more satisfying and worthy sugar-based products. They find it inconceivable that I might not like the taste of the brown sludge that is lager, that I might flinch at the thought of downing hard spirits. Alcohol is technically poison, you know?

I actually prefer sitting down with a nice, cool, glass of coke. Failing that a cup of tea, milk, one sugar. Lovely. Old? Me?